Off and running. We hope you were stimulated by the first class... and are ready to dig in.
So, please post any comments, ideas or questions that you wish about this class and where we are headed.
Many thanks to those who posted Self-Intorductions under a different heading. slightly more than half of our group has NOT YET introducted themselves. PLEASE do so.
Between now and the next class on October 3rd, experiment with your assigned "Live-With": Have No Expectations. Record your experiences-- successful or less so-- with this concept. How did it work in meetings, in dealing with deadlines? What did you try? What did you notice about your own reactions? This is the most difficult tool and "wrestling" with it has a slow but definite payback.
You can also share any comments you have about the readings.
Good luck.
Julie & Hal
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteLiving with; no expectations, the paradox, the dogma..
ReplyDeleteThis is difficult, just as expected. As motivated and driven people we often surround ourselves with reminders to stay ahead of the pack, as in competition - our offices are filled with them and our homes stored with similar effects to help us be the best we can be. What we do is deliberately consequent to our inheritance of unconscious dogmas, often an non-altruistic code of competition which requires us to behave in accordance of the different principles that are essential to 'staying ahead' in our jobs and lives. So I came across a few of these artifacts like my mug at work which says "employee of the month" and the paper weight which says "if you are not the lead dog, the view never change" and at home I removed the book by Stephen R Covey "7 habits of highly effective people" which reminds me of always "beginning with the end in mind" and this morning I found myself attending a conference call with a a group colleagues, purposely displaying an unusual unpretentious demeanor - focus more on the dialogue and not trying to think too hard about the outcome..I found myself listening more, and learning more and actually we got a lot more options on the table to work with. Getting more with less..could it be? I may need to get rid of a lot more reminders of the 'bad habits of highly effective people'- See you Monday!
"Live-With: Tool #1 So far...
ReplyDeleteI wanted to post a comment today in hopes that by Sunday I will have matured my thinking a bit more surrounding the idea of Living with no expectations.
Tuesday- Thursday (today) I have been able to "let go" a bit and practice having no expectations. Tuesday I was overwhelmed as I got a new project at work, employees were slacking off, I started two more classes on top of it all. I did not know what to "expect" so I tried to predict how I was going to feel after the next two classes. I was nervous, anxious and overwhelmed. At the start of feeling like I wouldn't be able to manage everything I remembered this exercise. I read the suggestions as a starting point. I went to yoga on Wed night and I was thoughtful about breathing and LETTING GO. I used what I already knew in yoga and meditation to just be for a little while. I used physical and emotional exercises to relax my mind and expectations.
Then...
I became more aware of what people were saying not HOW they were saying it. I listened more instead of trying to be one step ahead and thinking I already knew the answers and solutions. It was easier when I let myself become open to new ideas instead of thinking I was right. I stopped trying to have the answers to everything and instead looked for different answers. My thoughts and no-expectation practices are still a bit unorganized and scattered but the more I think about it the more aware I become and the more I can let go. To be continued...
The first class was very helpful, especially for me as it provided me great insight into myself. The 2 minute meditation that we did to go into our inner selves to find that one creative moment really helped build belief that creativity truly can be developed and is not an exclusivity to the "ones born with it" . Things as small as making non worded name tags are an excellent cornerstone to start believing in our own creativity and a big hint as to what amount of potential lies within us :) .. Really excited to whats in store !
ReplyDeleteI found two interesting images that I wanted to share with the class.
ReplyDeleteThis image shows what success looks like externally and what it actually feels like internally:
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/319575_2234717241158_1644756530_2188750_35148700_n.jpg
This image is a leadership mantra and is basically talking about one's Essence:
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/311082_10150312803793303_9171233302_8281923_1749909578_n.jpg
Hope everyone would be able to view these images.
"Have no expectations"...I thought, "this is perfect". I want to live without expectations of others. I went into the world with enthusiasm to to test this out. I found that it was not so bad. Partly, because I was aware; part because I have been working on this concept for many years.
ReplyDeleteThen, the surprise! I realized that the phrase, "Have no Expectations" also applied to me. I had never thought of it this way before. I suddenly had this rush and realization that I had been putting too many expectations on myself. What would it be like if I did not do this?
I have been trying this for a few days...makes life more interesting...going with the flow...however, a little more difficult to see the direct path to specific results. However, in the spirit of the exercise, I am surrendering to the concept...I have to say, it is a lot more fun. ;)
Thanks for listening,
Kathy
I'm a planner by nature and often feel defeated when things don't end up the way that I planned. When I first looked at the live-with for this week it was a bit daunting - I didn't know how I would prevent myself from having expectations for the week ahead. I started slowly - I went into meetings with fewer expectations of what the outcome. I found that this made meetings much more effective, as I was able to better listen to others and react with a fresh perspective. By the end of the week, I could feel that I had progressed a great deal and was truly living with having fewer expectations. Friday afternoons often feel as though they drag on. This past Friday I had a surge of energy and creativity - I had an idea and went with it, without over-thinking the outcome before jumping in. I was able to accomplish more in a shorter amount of time than I am generally able to. By not worrying about how long something would take or how others would perceive it, I was able to better focus my energy.
ReplyDeleteOn a separate note - I found the piece "Leadership that gets results" to be very interesting. Though I have not been in the workforce very long, I've had a number of different managers, each with unique leadership/management styles, and after reading this piece I can better understand why I felt that some were more successful and effective than others. Through these experiences I've noted traits that I'd like to incorporate into my leadership style. I had my first opportunity to manage an intern this past summer. Looking back on that experience, I feel that I used a combination of affiliative and coaching leadership styles, with a bit of pacesetting also mixed in. While some of these traits seem more directly related to my personality, others I believe that I've picked up through observations of and interactions with the leaders around me. I'd really like to focus on further developing all of these styles and learning how and when to navigate between the different styles. Currently I have a tremendous need to develop my authoritative leadership skills - I need to work on communicating my visions, particularly my professional visions, to others.
I'd be interested to hear about others' leadership style(s) as well.
I think living without expectations, depends on the situations and the intention with which you walk into it. Say for e.g. If you walk into an examination hall without the expectation that you will do well, then thats a negative signal to your brain that will actually lower your scores, smililarly to other situations where you want a certain outcome which is right. Nevertheless, for other aspects like Relationship, Work, Design etc.. Having no expectation definitely helps, as then you can approach that person/situation in a more creative an unique way that could be much better thanyou expected. But if you are definite about the outcome you want and "believe" in it.. then having a positive expectation about it surely helps. Just my opinion :)
ReplyDeleteI have always been trying out having positive expectations, but this is the 1st time I tried out having NO expectations for a certain situation that I wan no comfortable with it. Especially I agree to what Kathy said.. "that expectation is not for others but to self too".
I had the particularly tough day today where I had to complete so many tasks.. which in any other case I was sure I will not be able to achieve; But following what is taught in this course, I decided not to have any expectations going into the day of how much I will achieve but do things as they came, and surprisingly I could achieve 90% of what I wanted to... which otherwise I am sure would not be more than 50% complete. This is amazing , as I had less stress but more work done.. This works :) :) .. In am going to try this more often...
Dana I have to say that I loved the images =)
ReplyDeleteAbout Live-With, I've been pretty anxious for the past couple weeks about a decision that I have to make in 3 months. After the past class I feel relieved, I just decided to let it go after all I have 3 months ahead to decide I don't need to do it right now, and then I realized that in 3 months so many things can change that I will have other scenario and I will have to worry about it again.
I decided to apply the concept of no expectations to a situation in which I have the greatest attachment: giving a training class. Of course I want them to LOVE IT! How do I have no expectations with that?? For me it was an exercise about focusing my attention and energy. I put less energy on hoping for one desired outcome, and more on doing my best in the moment. I shared my excitement about the topic, and less my desire for their reaction to the topic. I still feel that the truth is that I wanted a certain outcome. That didn't change. But I tried creating space for whatever outcome came. Like stretching open my pie-chart of possibilities and leaving open space to get filled in with whatever happened. Fighting the desire was not effective- the truth is the desire is still there. But creating open space BIGGER THAN THE DESIRE...I think to a small degree, this is what I experienced, in trying to have no expectations. It was calming and exciting at the same time.
ReplyDeleteThe current situation in my life where it has definitely helped to try to remove expectations is apartment hunting!!! Each time I went to check out a place before taking this new attitude to heart, I'd get really wound up and excited, and hope that I would love the place, the other people, the location, enough to say "YES," this is it! I'd jump through hoops to justify to myself why one apartment would "be fine" to live in, even though it could make my commute horrendous, I'd live with people I didn't really click with...or I didn't love the room I'd be living in! I have internalized "Have no expectations" for the past week and found that I feel like a great weight has been lifted from my state of being and I am so much more calm and ready to find a place I can really call home instead of something where I am settling just to jump on an opportunity.
ReplyDeleteI have found this Live-With very challenging. My days are structured around my kids' mealtimes and naptimes, and given that every day follows the same basic pattern as the day before, it's hard not to expect my usual activities to have the same outcome as they've had in the past. I found it easier to apply the "no expectations" rule to unusual situations, which this week involved a car trip to Los Angeles and a visit to the zoo. However, it was still difficult for me to separate my intentions from my expectations, especially since leaving the house with little kids requires so much planning (How long will we be gone? Do I have the right amount of diapers, changes of clothes, sippy cups, snacks, sweaters, pacifiers and toys?), and on some level that planning is based on my expectations. For the car trip, after a lot of thought, I decided that my intention was simply to get the three of us to L.A. safely, and that any fears/hopes about how the kids would behave amounted to expectations, so I tried not to think about what the actual drive would be like. For the zoo, my intention was to have a fun outing with the kids. I had to let go of many expectations, ranging from how long we would stay, to what animals we would see, to how my son would react to the animals. I wouldn't say that either experience had a particularly exceptional outcome (positive or negative), but I was pleased with myself for at least finding a way to practice the Live-With.
ReplyDeleteHi there, your comments are very interesting. For me it is also difficult to practice this live-with. I try to use it just like Utkarsh. It is helpful in all situations but it is strong in situations where the result can profit from different ideas of different persons. Eureka for all!
ReplyDelete@Dana
I like your pictures. Especially the first.
@Carolyn
What about meeting once a week in the morning in a nice coffee and practice live-with. Instead of business meeting ;) everybody is invited...
I found this assignment to be a constant battle, but ultimately, it did offer quite a bit of relief. I gained a new team responsibility this week in which the decisions that were made would affect the rest of my term. I am an incredibly passionate and determined person and when it seemed like I was up against supreme opposition from another in the decision making process, I tried to utilize this tool. It worked, then stopped working, then I would check in again and it would work again, but ultimately, I couldn't completely let go. It did however bring me back into reality and re-center me when I would remember to detach myself from the outcome. The outcome will happen whether I like it or not, I realized.. The times that I wasn't using it, I found that I got incredibly frustrated when the expectation that I set up and planned for didn't go as I foresaw. The good news is that I was ultimately happy with the outcome of this week. I will continue to use this and hopefully it will be more natural in time.
ReplyDeleteThis week's Live-With was one of the most challenges things I had to do. How does a person who has to be in control let go? That is the question that has been at the top of my mind. It is amazing to realize that letting go is not as simple as it sounds. Yet I was also able to find out that I am at my top performance precisely when I just go with the flow and don't think too much. The 'not thinking part' is something I need to work on.
ReplyDeleteI’m pretty open minded, appreciate others’ perspectives, willing to give things a try and generally have “thick skin” (i.e., try not to take things personally) so there is part of this week’s How To that I am in touch with. But I now question that opening statement as this week I learned a few things: (1) I found that opening statement is less true in my business life particularly at times when I’m feeling insecure in my job or I’m under a tight deadline or in a hurry. (2) Surrendering the need to know is means minimizing the need to control, which is hard for me when working with junior, inexperienced team members. (3) I’m objective-driven, which often means to me that I have an end-state in mind and am aiming toward that. A lot to work on!
ReplyDeleteI'm sharing my experience about this week's live-with, eventhough it may be trivial:
ReplyDeleteBefore interviewing someone, I normally go through his/her resume and prepare the questions to ask beforehand.
Many-a-times i come up with very standard questions, this time I wanted to try not to prepare before hand
and just see, will i able to comeup with better questions on the spot, so i walked-in, looked at the profile and
framed questions on the flow, there still was some tendancy to ask repeative questions, but forced myself not to. It did work out, but yes I could not cover all topics like before and it was little ad-hoc. But i could manage to avoid standard questions, thus able to check the creative side of the candidate too.
Live With Week #1 Living with no expectation. This is an update to my first blog and I would like to say I thought it was going to be easier to practice. I found the first class very motivating and it helped open my mind to this exercise. While reading for class I felt a little overwhelmed because there is so much to learn and understand and I felt a little discouraged. I all of a sudden had expectations that were blinding. I read the reading and I really enjoyed it. I even read through a few times. I had to remind myself that I do not have to memorize the things I learn in this class but to continue to allow myself to be open and let go a little more each day. I feel like Exercise #1 was a challenge but over all successful.
ReplyDeleteLive-With #1:Live-With no expectation:
ReplyDeleteThis assignment was very timely for me.
Last week, I joined a new organization (Silicon Valley Bank) after a long term association with another organization (Wells Fargo.) Of course I was very apprehensive and yet determined to "feel the fear and do it anyway."
So far I always kept very high expectations of myself and often surrounded myself with a bit of discouragement when could not live up to my own expectations.
I almost expected myself to "KNOW" ins and out about the new organization on day #1! This created a lot of apprehension as well as fear of failure. I had to constantly remind myself of my own commitment to sincerely attempt the assignment. Kept telling myself that if I do not succeed in understanding the organization on day #1, the sky is not going to fall on me.
Even if the sky is going to fall, my worrying about it -- is not going to stop it! Why don't I surround myself with calmness and confidence instead of fear and apprehension? It certainly helped.
However, I continue to think about this:
Is it fair to keep NO expectations from anyone (including self), anytime, in any situation?
Would this lead to "complacency" or did I interpret the concept of "Live-With no expectations” differently?
So far I have been trouding on the path of knowing myself and on that path I have tried to transform events (good or bad) into learning experiences.
My tendency to compete with myself has helped me to enjoy the progression as well as the process (or the journey) so far. And in any competition; even if it is with one's own self, there is an element of 'expectation.'
Well, needless to say that keeping NO expectations from others has surprised me in many instances last week. I had to make a lot of effort and continuously remind myself NOT to keep any expectations.
Hoping that practice for three weeks (or more), will transform into a habit!
From Week 1 I have been experimenting with the challenge “not having expectations”. I have kept (actually I still do) post reminders around my house which have reminded me every day to practice being open to any possibility during the day. Starting the day saying myself no expectations for today made me feel an incredible positive energy. I noticed I trusted myself more than usual and at the same time I was kind of expecting the unexpected BUT that sensation lasted only a few hours. As the time went by my expectations started coming out again stopping the process “let go” and strangling my creativity. It’s tough to live with “no expectations” or limit them since we are really used to them and they arise naturally but this Live With is helping me to reduce my expectations and to notice that we can be way creative stopping our anxious striving & masterminding results.
ReplyDelete